you have me still

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 23:45:53 GMT

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fartingcat.html <-- Oh my God... Kate sent me that link and my Mom and I were dying laughing. It's so flippin cute.

Other than that, I am pretty damn bored, but too lazy to do anything, really. The night is still young. I also need to watch the OC tonight and tape it for April, who I seriously miss so much.

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 03:25:24 GMT

Today sucked. But I won't go into detail.
Hopefully tomorrow will prove to be better.
My brother turned 20 today. Weird.
I'm getting Matty something tomorrow and I know he's gonna be really happy.

I have to work tomorrow at 930 so I'm going to head to bed now.

Happy 9 Months, Sweetheart. I love you. ♥

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 19:58:36 GMT

I've been so bored lately, I keep updating livejournal.
I guess it's because I'm home so much now. I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't feel very well today, and I found out Boathouse is screwing me over with money.
So naturally, I'm pissed. and I'm going to get it sorted out asap. I really hate Bryan. For numerous amounts of reasons.
I would quit right this second, but I need a full-time job for the summer, and I need to keep working until then , so I don't have much of a choice but to stick it out...because I cant work somewhere part time for 3 months or so and then quit.

Dinner tonight with the whole family + Matty ♥ I'm excited. We're going to the MANDARIN!

April is gone now :( She's probably in the air as I type this..on her way to Dominican..I'm going to miss her so much and overflow her inbox with emails from me. hahaha.

Not much else to say.
I ate Spongebob pasta stuff today..mmm.
Oh, and Kate is giving me a huge Spongebob cut-out she got from work! I'm so excited. It's definitely going to go on my wall.

My eye looks sooooooooooooooooo much better today. ahhaha ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 17:46:35 GMT

I'm at school right now, and I have to take the bus home, but it doesn't come until quarter after one or sometime around then...and it's $2.25 just to get from the school to my house, I could pay the same and go to Toronto, thats really stupid. I hate public transportation, but I have no other choice...I don't feel like doing the walk home today. But I should've figured it would happen, everything is going wrong today.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:04:44 GMT

it's really cool when someone is mean and unfriendly to you for no reason, no explanation, and makes you feel really, really shitty.
i love when good days turn to horrible nights.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 18:10:51 GMT

I finally get to see my Matty today.
Rainy days are fun, and I had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs today.:)
ME AND JILLY'S DAY OF FUN! </size>

Googly!

Arlo Cat

Attack!

Me driving with my smartfood

me laughing..really hard

BUM

mmm eating while drivingh..delish

itchy

JILLY

jillllllbert

kittttttttttttttttttttttttttty is cute

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 16:17:23 GMT

What a lonely weekend.
Except for Jill.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 04:46:13 GMT

Well...this morning was the funeral. It was a beautiful service.
I think the hardest part for me in these last two days (and I'm not sure why) was meeting Chris's real dad and his stepmom. I had never met them before, and his dad is an amazing guy. He and his wife approached me and he thanked me for being part of Chris's life, and all of the family members told me they had heard so much about me and had heard so many stories. And it made me think about all the time we spent together, and all the memories we made. When his dad spoke at the funeral this morning, I lost it completely. It was heartbreaking.
It was really, really tough, but I just have to think...he's free now.
Something so difficult for me today was putting my rose on his casket and having to walk away and knowing that it was final. He is gone for real. Today it really clicked. The reception cheered me up though, as did my day with Jill.
We drove around singing the whole Mamma Mia Soundtrack at the top of our lungs, got bubble tea, were lazy, then rented some movies and just relaxed at her house. Being the stupid person I am, I suggested we watch the Notebook..yeah, bad call on my part. I was so sad on the way home. But now here I am, and I'm feeling really tired. I haven't been able to sleep well lately.
I hope I am able to get back to my normal self soon. it's been one hell of an emotional ride, and thank you to everyone who put up with it.

At dinner my mom and I talked about so many memories we have of Chris, and talked about how truly greatful we are that we were able to know him. We set him off on his journey on a beautiful sunny day, which couldn't have been more perfect, because it truly reflected the person he was.

I'll miss you always Chris, rest in peace. ♥

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 04:35:20 GMT

i feel so fucking sick.

i cant deal with life right now.

everyone go away.

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 02:36:36 GMT

it would be stupid if you didnt go:

www.purevolume.com/lovesexbonermagik

(HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY JILL!)

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 01:10:18 GMT

I have the best friends in the world.
April stopped by and gave me COOKIES she made me, and they are so delicious. And a wicked card too..It's so funny.
Oh man, April you are the best in the entire world and I love you so much. ♥
Amanda is going to stop by tomorrow if I'm not at school and drop some things off and see me cause we miss eachother. I love you Kramer ♥
Matt, you know exactly what to say to me and you have made me feel so much better through this. I love you more than anything and I couldn't ask for a more amazing boyfriend. ♥ I love you so much - IM SORRY FOR THE TYPO I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVERRRR
And Kate and Jill..you know I love you guys and appreciate you so much. You're always there when I need you most.
Everybody has been so supportive and I just want to say thank you all.

PS Mike and I are playing Wheel of Fortune and I am so much better
This game rocks.

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 15:42:47 GMT

Today has been absolutely horrible.
I didn't fall asleep until well past 2 last night, and then my Mom woke me up at quarter to 8 and told me I had to go to school. She said it would be good for me to go and get my mind off of things, and I really didn't want to, but ended up doing it anyways. So I got there and really just couldn't talk to anyone...only thing keeping me from losing it was April. Then I'm sitting there minding my own business and I hear this girl just casually go "So, did you hear that Chris Gist died yesterday?" and I just fucking lost it. Like how DARE she have the nerve to speak about it so casually like it's not a big deal. I felt so sick to my stomach and started shaking and I didn't even know what to do. Charmaine said she'd take me home after English was over, and as soon as I got home I completely fucking lost it. People hear the news and are sad when they didnt even know him, and try to get people to pity them, but not fucking one of them saw what he went through, nobody fucking stood by his side for the past 2 years. NO ONE saw him suffer. And then the next day they're fine. Their lives move on, and this tragedy passes. But not for me. I can't stop questioning and I can't stop crying, and this is so much harder than I ever imagined it to be. I JUST WANT HIM BACK. Thats all I want. It's not fucking fair and I don't know what to do with myself. I never want to face reality.
All I want is Matt, chocolate and a movie. I think thats the only thing that could keep me sane right now but it can't happen. I just want to see him. more than you could understand. ugggggh.

Rest In Peace. ♥

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 20:31:00 GMT

Chris, you have been the most amazing, strongest and most inspirational person I have ever met in my life.
Through your five year struggle you never once asked "why me?" and you never once complained.
I am so grateful for the two years of our friendship, and I will never forget all of the fun times we had.
You will always be in my heart, and you will be missed so, so greatly.

This really feels all too surreal.
My head is spinning and I don't know how to react.
His struggle is over, now he can be in peace, but I feel like SCREAMING.
He always got through it before, and I talked to him on the phone the other day and he sounded sooooo good.
I really thought that he might beat it once and for all.
it's just not fucking fair. of all people WHY DID HE DESERVE THIS
i feel fucking sick and i havent been able to say one word yet.

♥

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 05:25:18 GMT

We are in love.

Coffee and I, that is.
It helps me get things done.
It makes me make no sense.
I would be lost without it.

ps. Matt gave me this mug. Cute, eh?
pps. I'm still doing homework. Shit.

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 20:20:14 GMT

Oh man, things are absolutely wonderful right now!
I've been having some little changes here and there in my life, and it just makes things new and exciting!
Today I didn't have school (wooo!) and I came home and my new computer was all hooked up in my room (which I am on right now, efff yaa) so I've been spending the afternoon installing and playing with it, its soo much fun. AND OMG SHAWN KICKED A HOLE INT HE WALL TODAY..AHHAHAH OMG I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD. My dad is going to kill him! Cause he did it out of anger! hahah oh man, hilarious. Anyways, here are some

haha omg i love this picture. its kramer, shannon, jocelyn and eliisa

eww..elliyas is being soooo gross, aahahaha

THE HOLE HAHAHAH OH GOD TGHE HOLE

again, the hole in the wall. ahaha omg i cant get enough its really sooo funny

kramer and justin

want wants it up the bum AAAAAAAAAAAA HAAHA
wow, i just realized iwrote want wants..i meant MATT WANTS IT UP THE BUM! AAAAAHAHAHA

ok i look really weird in this pic but its erin and i!

i renamed them (but not really) belle and sebastian..hahahaha or as us FRENCH call it..sebastiON! ahahahhahahaaha

god damn i love steph...and how she tries to kill emily in math class.

food + movie with matty this weekend, cant wait. also a lot of working. i love matt. ♥ also we might stop by at jilly's 19th birthday thing:) i love you jiggims
oH AND IM GOING TO PENSYLVANNIA TO THE HUGE SHOPPING PLACE WITH KRAMER ON MARCH BREAK ICANT WAAAAAAAAAAIT hehhehe

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 19:53:21 GMT

Today really wasn't my day.

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 23:37:18 GMT

Holy crap I can't stop procrastinating.
I have soooo much homework but I have no initiative!!

I had an amazing weekend with an amazing boy. ♥
I already can't wait for next weekend.

PLEASE BE A SNOW DAY TOMORROW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!

OOH UPDATE UPDATE!!:

Fruit by the foot count of today: IIII
and possibly more to come

Today I...

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 22:24:40 GMT

Worked a 7 hour shift. Laughed a whole lot. Got tired, came home. Coffee.
Am now waiting for my cute boyfriend to come over. He's LATE as usual.

Dad was going to buy me a brand new computer but then my brother bought his own brand new comp today, so I get Shawn's old one which is basically new, which makes me very happy. It's quite good enough for me.
I HATE this computer.

Me and Matt = drinking tonight and chillin n shiiiiiiit.

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 02:24:07 GMT

Honestly, it feels like everytime I write a livejournal entry about how much things suck, things immediately begin to turn around. ♥

I just watched the OC and it was delicious, so is Matt who I just got off the phone with.
Tomorrow is Friday. And I don't want to go to school. I am sick of it already.

I work tomorrow 5-9:30. It's going to be so boring. Then work Saturday from 9-3. Then Matt is all mine.
I'm going to go to bed in like 5 minutes and I'm going to wake up at 6 to go to the gym. I know..many of you are doubting me, and I don't blame you..but I am going to try my hardest!!

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 19:08:19 GMT

So.....yesterday sucked huge, today pretty much sucked and i'm sure tomorrow will suck too.

Kate, I am coming to Ottawa asap.

♥ TODAY IS FANTASTIC! ♥

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:24:12 GMT

Today is friggin awesome. So my Dad was driving me to school this morning and I was soooo tired and I really didn't want to go so I was telling him it should have been an ice day or whatever and school should be cancelled. So he's like "Nope, not today, sorry." So I get into school and it's EMPTY. And I'm like..um.. am I late? But I was EARLY! So I go up to my english classroom and there's one other person there. Then Jacky walks in and goes, "Britt, why the hell are you here? The buses were cancelled!" And I was like "NO WAY!" HAAHA..We didn't have the news on this morning so we didn't know, and so I left after first period and now I'm home. And in first period we do this thing every valentines day where you send herseys kisses to people and we raise money for princess margaret cancer society because matt bonnar's sister died of cancer a couple years back, and so i got three kisses this morning! one from charmaine and then two annonymous..and they said the most RETARDED trhings..ahaha..one says "Stop Snoring." and I dont know who it's from - April is it from you? It kinda looks like your writing..ahhaha and the other says "WORD GURL YOU SO FINE!" ahhahaha and I have NO idea who its from but Jacky and I were laughing sooo hard when we saw it! Oh, and there's no band competition today either. WooO! YAAA! Feeeeelin fine ;) ahha

I was lucky and got to spend all weekend with Matty. :) Friday he came over and then Saturday I worked 9-3 and then he came over and we did our little Valentines thing, and we said we weren't going to give eachother anything, but of course..we did.. and Matt gave me so much stuff, all so sweet and so cute. It was all heart-themed! I LOVE IT! And I gave him a really cute sweater which he looks friggin ADORABLE in!:) and then we went to see boogeyman sat. night, which was pretty lame, but I still got really scared at some parts, hahaa. And then we came home, and he got mad cause I was falling asleep every 2 seconds haaha so we went to bed, had breakfast with my Mom on Sunday morning, my grandparents came over, then he went home.

The first two pictures are dedicated to Jeff, even though he will not see them most likely. (Matt, you need to print one out and give it to him!! Or Rhys, Eric, Roy or Chris, dooooo itttt.

(this is the sweateri got him!)

Dear Matt. I love you lots and lots and lots and I had a lot of fun with you this weekend even though I was REALLY moody. hahaha. Happy ♥8♥ months and I love you more than anything. Thanks for putting up with my bullshit all the time. You're amazing. ♥ kiss

♥HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!♥

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 12:10:33 GMT

Happy Valentines Day! ♥

..and today is also my 8 months with Matty! ♥♥♥

Pictures and weekend details coming soon...!

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 22:35:27 GMT

This morning the weather was so bad! And today I was driving myself to school and I almost got in like a gazillion accidents cause the tires suck and it was so slippy!
But I made it..late..to school and we had a supply for English! So I just listened to Death Cab and did nothing the whole period. Then I went to math which ...we didn't do much either. Simple simple. Then law, which was another waste of time, haha. Then I went home and ate..a lot...then went back to school for a music thing. That brings us to now!

I'm in a better mood, cause I called the hospital to talk to Chris yesterday and he is feeling pretty good and sounded really good! I think I'm going to go see him on Sunday I think! And I need to see Cam too because he's in the hospital. He almost died cause he broke his neck snowboarding so he is in surgery today..uggh, thank God he's not paralyzed.

I can't wait for this weekend. I'm just super super super SUUUUUPER excited to see Matt. He is cute and I love him! ♥ Ya ya ya ya!

I HAVE HAD THREE COFFEE'S TODAY!
CAFFENE IS MY BESSSSSST FRIEND!!

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 20:15:47 GMT

Ok so.. Chris isn't doing well. At all.
I don't know if any of you read the updates on his website his mom keeps, but..it's scary.
He is really really lonely and depressed, none of his friends have been down to visit him.
So I think I'm going to take a day off of school this week and head down to the hospital.
I feel bad I haven't been down to see him more often. We were such close friends.
So I need to make up for that now. It's the least I could do for him.

If anyone who knows him would like to come down with me, please let me know.
Even if you don't know him and you'd like to come and visit and meet this amazing guy, let me know.
I think he would appreciate it so much to have some company and to be able to see someone other than nurses and doctors. ♥

Please keep praying for him.

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 18:25:26 GMT

I like being done school at 12:25 everyday. I just walked home from school, and it only took me 40 minutes. It was nice out since the rain had stopped. The walk was really nice, and Death Cab made it seem so much shorter.